dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
