When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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