There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
