her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Blood and glitter go together right?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
