I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
