Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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