Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
