My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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