She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
