Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
