Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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