just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I will be naked everywhere
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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