WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
