everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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