Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
