a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
