You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
