you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
