I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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