Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
