i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
