508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
