Betty ford says i'm here all night
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
