he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Bring me that man meat
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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