no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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