If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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