piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
