I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
