All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
