how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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