Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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