i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
