I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
