Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Fuck appropriateness.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
