he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
