Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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