I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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