Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just cut my nipple shaving
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
