I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
