Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
