I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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