you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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