He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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