i don't like sucking hair
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
