Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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