I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
