he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
