Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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