Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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