Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
