The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
