Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
