i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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